Duct Tape, Rope and Tomato Sauce
by hlou14
Summary: This is a story based on a conversation that my good friend XInMyPlaceX and I had whilst on MSN one night. We decide to cook Italiano and eat it, but off what? Hilarity ensuses as we travel to Forks and kidnap Carlisle. R&R please. Rated T for ideas
1. And She Thinks I'm Crazy?

**This is a conversation me and my good friend XInMyPlaceX had. It was originally over MSN, but we decided to turn it into a story. The only thing that actually happened was this first section – I guess the story will escalate into something more...**

It was a Saturday afternoon and we were bored. Well, Georgia was. She was lying on her makeshift bed and sighing to the ceiling. _I _however was on Cloud Nine. I had found a really good, high-quality version of Twilight on the internet and was watching intently – my eyes were stuck to my laptop screen. I was at the part where Edward was introducing Bella to his family. Emmet was standing behind Esme. I let out a huge peal of laughter when he waved at Bella with the knife. It was _hilarious, _well, I thought it was.

Georgia rolled over to look at me, doubled over from laughing, but turned straight back to the ceiling. Another sigh. I stared at her, mentally wishing she would just shut up and do something. I returned to watching the film.

"HANNAH!" Georgia screamed so suddenly that I jumped about a metre into the air. "I KNOW WHAT WE CAN DO!"

"What?" I replied, still trying to catch my breath from the fright she had just given me. My eyes were still glued to the laptop.

"We are going to go to Forks..." she began. Oh no, no one of her crazy hair-brained schemes again...

"Yeah."

"...kidnap Carlisle"

"Oh dear Lord." Save me now.

"...pour Italiano on him..."

"You're _insane!_"

"...and eat it off his naked back!" She finished, exuberant. A wide grin was spread across her face.

"You're a luna-" I started to protest but continued, "why his back? Why not his front?" Georgia's mouth formed a small 'o' in realisation.

"I don't know" she shrugged her shoulders, "I thought eating it from his front would be rude!" The look on her face as she admitted this was the very definition of hilarity.

What she said knocked me for seven. My breath whooshed out in a small gust and I laughed once.

"So you're going to _strip him naked _and pour food on him but you think eating from his front is _rude?!_" I could feel the disbelief on my face. Georgia was so odd at times.

Georgia gasped, her eyes fixated on the laptop screen. I had left the film running during Georgia's crazy brainwave and I could now guess what had caused her to lose her focus. I turned to look at who had made Georgia falter, knowing who it was already. Jasper Hale sauntered casually across the screen and I gasped internally too. He was so disastrously gorgeous that it was hard to tear my eyes away from the angel that caressed our vision now, to listen to Georgia's next shock plan.

"We should do it to Jasper too!" The excitement in her voice was so genuine that I didn't know what to think.

I flung my arms out in mock enthusiasm. "And Edward and Emmett!"

Georgia's face was so funny that I had to bite my lip to keep from laughing. Ow. I could taste blood.

"And, hey, why not Jacob and James too, while we're at it?"

I stared at her, eyes bugging. She couldn't be serious. Or could she? He look on her face now, as she stared back meaningfully, was the picture of seriousness. She wasn't joking. Oh boy. I shook my head. This was quite a good plan, very tempting! Why not?

"I like this idea, so what are we going to do?" I looked at Georgia, waiting for her thoughts on how we were _ever _going to set this plan into action.

"Well you can kidnap and 'take care of'" her fingers made quotation marks in the air "the Cullen family while I go to Tesco and get supplies. I'll get rid of Bella on my way and on the way home, kidnap Jacob and James." I looked at Georgia in disbelief. She ignored me, the unstoppable force of nature that she is, and continued. "I will then meet you at the house, we will make Italiano and then we will put our plan into action." I was waiting for the thunder and lightning and for Georgia to start stroking some cat, but it never came. How strange. I decided to just go along with this madness.

"Okay, we will need rope, duct tape and tomato sauce..." I was getting _way _too into this!

Georgia rubbed her hands together in satisfaction.

"This is going to be great." She chuckled.

I turned back to the film and decided to re-watch the whole scene since I was so rudely interrupted. Bella walked into the kitchen with Edward. _"This is my family..."_ I burst out laughing; even more than before, if that was actually possible. Emmett, damn him. He was so funny.

I thought I saw Georgia look at me like I was crazy but I payed no attention to her. She was the one who had come up with a plan to eat pasta off a vampire, a fictional vampire at that. And she thought _I _was crazy?


	2. Have You Seen This Maniac?

_**Thankyou to the few people that reviewed. I am really sorry, but I don't know where to find a high-quality version of Twilight, but you can watch it at **____** .**_

**Disclaimer: I **_**do not**_** own Twilight or anything associated. All I own is this story [which is shared so really, I only half own it], my other Twilight based story Graceful Ending [check it out] and another story based on a song by The Killers called Cutting the Cord to Life [check it out too]. Get it?**

I looked on as Georgia flung her suitcase into the storage compartment on the airport bus for it to land with a dull _thump_ on top of mine. They both stood out like two flamingos would in a flock of pigeons. Georgia's was bright yellow and seemed to omit an odd fluorescent glow when looked at. I suppose it was because of the many bland coloured cases stacked beneath it. Mine, however, did not glow, but stood out almost as much. It was plain black and had on it Twilight quotes and various stickers of my ALL TIME favourite band The Killers. I think our suitcases summed us up perfectly. Bright, random and very, very 'different'.

Anyway, away from the talk of suitcases; we hopped on to the bus as the doors were closing and hurried to find a seat. I rushed to the last one available and turned to grin, victorious, at Georgia. She grumbled quietly to herself for the next minute or so because she was left standing. Her hand was gripped tightly around a metal bar, conveniently placed next to a seat, so tightly her knuckles stood out white against her skin. She may have been holding on tight but, as demonstrated, not tight enough as she swung and fell onto a strangers lap. The look on his face was utter horror as he found a strange, teenage girl perched on his lap.

"Sorry" Georgia muttered, pulling herself back up to standing position. She was bright red in the face. My body shook with silent laughter as she managed to knock a poor old woman off her seat, using only the most helpful part of her body- her bum. I couldn't help but laugh as I watched from my, I dare say, comfortable seat near the back of the bus. Georgia glared at me, obviously willing me to shut up.

On our way off, being the klutz that she is, Georgia managed to trip over a suitcase. It wasn't even in the way. It set me off on hysterics again. This was utter hilarity!

We easily lifted Georgia's case off the pile, but had trouble hauling mine down. I hadn't packed lightly but I was sure I had forgotten something all the same.

Gatwick airport loomed, intimidating, before us. The building seemed to grin as it planned the horrors that would face us. Two, fourteen-year old, _very_ clumsy girls that were in hurry. We gulped in unison, in fear of what awaited us inside.

We headed through the large glass doors before us into a busy hall. We followed the flow of people to the check-in desks and promptly found where we were supposed to be. As we waited in line, I asked Georgia, "Enjoy your journey?" I giggled as she grimaced.

"You're standing up next time, I'll tell you that" she retaliated, quickly following with "So where do we need to be?" She was obviously trying to get off subject. And she had obviously not noticed that we had stopped and were in a queue.

We had reached the front of the line. "Well, at the desk _in front of you_ that says 'Port Angeles, Washington.'" I signalled with my hand to the desk, at which a young woman sat, yawning.

She sighed in recognition, and defeat. After much tugging at my suitcases, willing it to move the few metres it was to the desk, we handed our passports to the woman waiting. She looked mine over and handed it back swiftly but she spent longer on Georgia's. My stomach churned in anticipation as we waited for the 'all clear'. The lady looked up at Georgia and down at passport a few times before handing it back. We let out a sigh of relief. The woman, whose name badge read 'Annie', wrapped a label round the handles of our cases and then stated in a monotonous tone,

"You're departing from Terminal five, thank you very much, enjoy your flight." She indicated to a large crowd of people who seemed to be fighting their way up a pair of escalators. It was a death trap.

I whispered to Georgia, my voice laden with sarcasm, "This will be fun."

We approached the mob warily, as if looking out for anything dangerous that we could trip over or impale ourselves on.

"It looks like we're going to have to fight our way through" Georgia said, no hint of a joke in her solemn voice. There was a small break in the rush just then, and we pegged it, running for the gap in the impatient travellers.

I held the handle on Georgia's carry-on rucksack as we battled our way through the hordes of people travelling upwards.

"Excuse me … Pardon us … can we just squeeze through … move out the way kid … thanks … OH EM GEE, THAT KID JUST BIT ME!" I heard Georgia exclaim. She screamed and pointed at the child who had committed the 'offence', cowering against the side of the escalator. The boy's mother mouthed apologies at Georgia as she steered the child away, holding him on her other side so he couldn't bother us anymore. I put my arm around Georgia's shoulder and she stood rubbing her arm. There was an evident red mark and the indents from the child's teeth were clearly visible. She hadn't taken her eyes off the child for one minute.

I turned my head forwards. We were seconds from reaching the end of the escalator. I screamed.

"GEORGIA!"

It was too late. She stumbled and fell, right at the very top of the escalator, and couldn't right herself in time to stop the continuous pile-up from happening behind her. One second, I was on my feet and the next, I was flat on my face on top of Georgia. I heard exclamations and shouts from behind me and could feel the extra weight pressing down on top of me as more people fell. I sighed. _Georgia_.

Thirty minutes, seven security guards, twenty three annoyed travellers and one emergency stop button later, we were seated in the airport's Starbucks cafe. Georgia sat across the table from me, holding her ice-smoothie to her head, while I sucked at mine through a straw. Georgia groaned.

"I think someone put their foot in mouth." I stifled laughter as she rubbed her jaw; the look on her face was just hilarious.

I turned my face away from the girl in front of me and gazed around the shopping area of Gatwick airport. I heard the sounds of coins being put into machines in the arcade and turned to look. I screamed.

"OhmyholyJasper!" There was a chance to win a LIFE SIZE POSTER of _ROBERT PATTINSON!_ I pegged it to the arcade, forgetting completely about my drink, suitcase and injured friend that I had just left behind. I ran up to a machine and pulled out my battered wallet. I opened it and turned it upside down, willing as many coins as possible to fall out and into my outstretched palm. There were about twenty coins in my hands. I grumbled – it'd have to do.

I pushed each coin into the machine with such force that I pushed myself backwards in every attempt at winning this thing. I had just used my eighteenth coin when I heard Georgia behind me.

"HAVE YOU SEEN THIS MANIAC?" She was screaming at innocent bystanders. I paid no attention though. I was in what one might call my 'Twilight zone'. I felt Georgia grabbing my arm and shaking me.

"Hannah, you _have_ to stop this madness!" I giggled and slid another coin into the machine. "FOR GOD'S SAKE WOMAN, _PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER!_" She slapped me and I finally pulled out of the trance I was in. My cheek stung. I shook my head in defeat and sighed.

"I'm never going to win it." I twirled my final coin in my fingers, deciding it would be better to save it than lose it.

I could tell from the awareness in her voice that Georgia was treating me, in my current state, very carefully.

"It's okay Hannah. You're in a safe place now, with people who love you." She steered me away from the machine and out of the arcade. We got a few weird looks and quite a few concerned ones. She sat me down in a chair at the same table we were at before. "Would you like anything?" she asked me. I brightened up at her offer.

I set my puppy dog eyes on her. "Can I have some rocky road?" I pleaded.

"Okay, I'll buy it" Georgia offered.

Phew, that was a relief. I smiled, sweetly. "That would be nice because I have no money."

Georgia's face turned white, red, green and back to white, all in the space of a couple of seconds. "What, none at all?" Her voice shot through several octaves. Panic lathered her tone. It was set deep in her face too. Her jaw fell open.

"Well, I have fifty pence..." Her mouth opened wider and her breath came out in a small _whoosh_ of shock.

She snapped. "YOU'RE TELLING ME WE ONLY HAVE THIRTY POUNDS AND FIFTY PENCE TO GET US PRINGLES AND COKE ON THE PLANE, A TAXI TO FORKS _AND_ THE INGREDIENTS AND SUPPLIES FOR OUR PLAN?!" I nodded, genuinely ashamed of myself and also a little bit scared. I could still feel the sad expression on my face, though I was way over the poster 'epidemic'.

Georgia huffed. "Okay, well I'll go get the rocky road then."

She returned a couple of minutes later and thrust the food into my waiting hands. I couldn't wait long enough to open the packet with my hands, so I settled to ripping it off with my teeth. I was like an animal on the hunt, though this hunt was _way_ too simple. I devoured the chocolate/marshmallow/biscuit mix and sighed. I was home.

I was too busy eating my food to notice where the time had gone, or what Georgia was doing. She suddenly cried in desperation.

"HANNAH! OUR PLANE LEAVES IN TWO MINUTES!" My mouth fell open, exposing a disarray of chewed food for Georgia's pleasure. Nice. I scrambled around in my mind, trying to remember how to close my mouth. As I did so, we grabbed our carry-on bags and thrust ourselves forward into a flat out sprint. We jumped suitcases, shopping and small children as we rushed to the right boarding area. Georgia turned to look for me, though I was running along right beside her, and caught her legs on a little boy sitting inconveniently in the centre of the terminal. She went flying but I caught her rucksack. As I ran past her I slipped into a crouch and pulled on her hand, tugging her upright. I kept hold of her hand as we ran, hoping, just hoping, that we were not too late.

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	3. You Do Have A Fat Arse!

_**Thankyou for your reviews. I'm glad you're enjoying the story and I promise we'll get to the good [well, even better] bits soon!**_

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, the characters involved or, unfortunately, Robert Pattinson. As much as I can dream about him [and I do promise that I actually had this dream, just a couple of nights ago at that] he will never be mine. *sigh***

I sat in my seat, heart pounding. We had _just_ made it, but only just. Georgia sat next to me in her seat, eyes closed. We had both endangered our lives to get to this plane in time. Who knew that an airport was such a threat to our existences?

I don't know how much longer later, for I had fallen asleep after our rush to the boarding gate, we were in the air, flying above the vast expanse of water the world called the Atlantic Ocean. I felt uncharacteristically awake.

I looked sideways at Georgia who had her headphones on, watching Twilight intently on the screen above our heads. I grinned and pounced.

"PUT YOUR GOGGLES ON!" I screamed. She screamed and must have jumped about ten feet in the air, metaphorically of course. The look on her face was pure fright as I doubled over laughing. Georgia removed her headphones.

"Damn that rocky road, damn it to the pits of fiery hell!" she grumbled. She turned away, back to the film, while I continued to laugh. A few people turned to glare at me, probably wishing I would just _shut up_ and let them watch the film or read, or whatever else they were doing. Nonetheless, I couldn't stop laughing. I was actually in pain.

"Excuse me Miss, but would you mind quietening down a bit, I think you're beginning to disturb the other passengers" a tall, blonde stewardess asked me, leaning carefully over Georgia. I decided to shut up then. But I couldn't help the buzz of sugar that ran through me. I bounced in my seat, formulating a plan...

About an hour later, and when everyone was asleep (including Georgia), I was still on my high. I couldn't sit still – my hands were shaking, my knees were shaking and my eyes were darting all over the pace. If anyone looked at me now they would probably think I was on drugs.

I pushed Georgia and she woke with a start.

"Georgia, I need the toilet. Let me out would you?!" I hissed at her. I fidgeted in my seat to show her how desperate I was.

"Whu...whaddyawanannah?" was all she could say. I huffed.

"I want the loo Georgia and I want you to move" I said a little louder, earning a harsh stare from a couple of stewards. I glared back then turned, again, to Georgia. "So move so I can get OUT!" I nearly shouted this time. I shoved again on Georgia's arm and she flopped to the floor in the middle of the aisle. I got up out of my seat and attempted at climbing over her but Georgia's rucksack that she had so carelessly thrown to the floor earlier promptly stopped my tries as escaping. I tripped and fell with a loud _thump_ on top of my sleepy friend who was now dozing; quite happily I may add, on the floor. Well, she wasn't any more. I felt her breath whoosh out of her lungs and heard it leave with a sharp _huff_, due to the large lump that was I, falling onto her back.

We both started giggling like maniacs, much to the disapproval of the people around us. One rather large man looked down at us with a look on his face that was so funny that I couldn't help but laugh even louder.

"Han...han...Hannah! Get...get up!" Georgia said from beneath me, her body shaking so much with laughter that it made me need the toilet even more. I climbed up quickly, still giggling and managed to wake another man in the process.

When I got back from the loo, Georgia was still awake, a notebook and pen in her lap and her face contorted into an expression I was sure was meant to be concentration. She had her eyes closed and looked deep in thought.

"C'mon Georgia, stop pretending to be Alice already" I joked with her, "And let's get on with this plan." She looked up at me, irritated, and then her face broke out into a devious grin.

"Let's do this thing." She was genuinely scary.

We plotted and schemed for the next hour or so and then settled down to get some sleep. We were going to need all the energy we could get. After about ten minutes of listening to my iPod, I drifted off into a deep sleep...

_I was in a place that was strangely familiar, though I had never set foot here in my life. I turned towards a large white building and saw heaves of young people exiting down the outside steps. I was at a school name 'Caroline Chisholm Centre for Learning'. Oh yeah, my school. I turned back round again. I was standing with a group of my friends – Sophie, Emily, Anna and Dani. We started walking along, close to a metal fence that separated the path where everyone else was and the car park where we were. We were chatting happily about Edward Cullen and Robert Pattinson and I was trailing my hand along the fence. I stopped suddenly, gasped loudly and ran about five metres back into the car park, the others following me._

"_It's _him._" I stuttered, pointing my hand at a tall dark figure leaning against the fence. We all screamed. I decided to do something, since no one else was. I ran over to the fence and saw a hole. I briefly thought about climbing through, though the hole was barely big enough to fit my leg through, let alone my whole body. 'He' was watching. I then decided to climb over. I thrust my arms up and my hands held tight onto the top of the fence. Robert came over and grasped my wrists, pulling me over the fence. When I was down on the other side my friends suddenly appeared on the other side of the fence, though I had seen no movement. Robert hadn't let go of my hands. He was staring furtively at my hands and then into my eyes. Well, I say my hands but to be more precise, it was my fingernails. They were painted a dark, sapphire blue but were chipped._

"_Your fingernails were...perfect the last time I saw you and now they're, like...chipped." Roberts shook his head in disbelief. This reminded me of the scene in Twilight where Bella notices Edward's eyes have changed colour. I woke up._

_I must have been daydreaming. I was in the same place a before with the same people but there was another girl there. She was blonde and I knew she was my friend, but I didn't know her name. I looked around at the group I was standing with and to my utter surprise, Robert Pattinson was standing next to me, happily chatting away with my friends and I, like we'd known each other for eons. I frowned and tried to tell him that he'd just been in my daydream, when he walked off and started talking to Mr Downing and Mr Cowell, the Head and Deputy Head of the school .He was wearing a suit and a had that looked really strange but you just knew it was in fashion. I turned back to my friends and tried to explain my daydream to _them, _when Robert came back and suddenly placed his hat on my head. I decided to be evil._

_I ran off, my strides awkward and long, my feet weighed down, as if I were running through water. Robert easily caught up then fell back unexpectedly. I was headed for home. I was about halfway up the main road towards my house, laughing, when he ran in front._

"_I'll run in front so you can watch my fat arse." He shouted, laughing._

"_You don't have a fat arse." I murmured._

_We continued running and turned off, a road early, into a place that looked like a garden centre. The scene flashed and we were in an unfamiliar room. It wasn't just Robert and I, but my friend whose name I didn't know was there and a couple of other people too. Some strange men were at the window. They looked like the kind of men you would see in a gangster film. We were supposed to escape, but you had to know a password. Everyone but Robert, my friend and I escaped before a woman entered the room. She said we were supposed to work for her._

_Out of the blue, the room changed again. It was the same place but it looked completely different, like the school PE changing rooms. I saw some familiar faces walk in and out._

_Robert and I were sitting on a bench in the middle of the hall, where the changing rooms were. Well, Robert was sitting and I was lying, hugging a pillow to the side of my head. He received a letter and opened it promptly._

"_Yes!" he exclaimed, "I don't have to go to Summer School anymore; I can teach there instead!"_

_I sighed. "It's alright for some." I murmured in disappointment._

_A look of pain crossed his face and he grimaced. "It wouldn't have worked anyway...I...I'm..." he tried to reassure me. He hadn't said it out loud, but I knew he was referring to the fact that I wouldn't have been able to teach._

_Just then, Robert's father entered the room with Robert's younger brother. This obviously meant we were free then._

_We, my unknown friend and I, walked behind Robert and his relatives who walked briskly ahead. As we were walking out the front door, I shouted ahead to him._

"_You do have a fat arse!" He didn't hear me._

_I remembered that I still had his hat on and decided to make a run for it. I pegged it down one of the outdoor 'aisles' of the 'garden centre'. I could hear Robert and my friend following me as I ran. I noticed a small patch of grass surrounded by plant pots, a shed and a small garden divider. I was in the process of thinking about jumping the divider to the adjoining 'aisle', when a large, laughing something forcing me towards the ground stopped this thought in its tracks. Robert had jumped on top of me and now had me in a vice like grasp. He rolled us around on the floor in a circle, our feet never moving but our heads rotating. It was odd, really odd. He laughed while I had a hard time figuring out where I was. My unknown friend then jumped on top of us. I tried to shove her off, part in annoyance and part because I wanted Robert to myself, though this situation was far from sexual. I stopped midway shoving her off when I noticed her eyes. They were a bright, vivid green, almost fluorescent, but flat in colour. They were like two circles of paper stuck on her eyes._

"_Your eyes are..._so_ green." I stared._

_During all this, Roberts had not stopped rolling. Or laughing for that matter. We broke apart suddenly, I still looking at my friend's eyes. She blinked and their irises were a dull blue again. The scene flashed again, and I found myself pinned to the ground beneath Robert. I was lying on my front with him on top of me. Again, not sexual. We laughed. Then something really odd happened._

_My hand was palm down on the floor beside my face and Robert started..._biting_ it. Not like 'tear-off-huge-chunks' kind of biting, but just nipping it with his front teeth. I woke up._

I woke with reluctance. I didn't want this dream to end! It was all too good to be true which is why I _wanted _it to be true! I opened my eyes and sighed.

Dawn was starting to break over the horizon and we were below the clouds. The air stewards and stewardesses were beginning to wake people up for landing. I pushed Georgia.

"Georgia, get your seatbelt on, the show is about to begin." I grinned and the disorientated girl who sat next to me grinned back. Our plan was about to begin. Bring on Plan A.

**Please review guys! I really appreciate your opinions as they help the story [and my writing] become even better which means it is easier and more...**_**pleasurable**_** [*smirk*] for you to read!**

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**I don't even own that. How sad. But I **_**do **_**own the dream that I had in this chapter. Weird, huh?**

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	4. He's Just A Sweet Transvestite

_**Here's the next chapter, for your amusement. I hope you like it, I got kind of stuck. Oh, and, thank XInMyPlaceX for the general idea for this chapter – I'm only responsible for the writing of it! Please, if you like it, review it! I really appreciate it! I would like to say that, from the previous chapter, the part where I went hyper and screamed "PUT YOUR GOGGLES ON!" at Georgia, really did happen in real life. Except it wasn't on a plane. I really did get hyper on rocky road and scream it at her, but it was in a science class. Then I decided to 'flame test' her arm...**_

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, Mike Newton, the idea behind this story [except the last part when we run away] or the Rocky Horror Picture Show. Much as I'd love to...**

We landed swiftly, all the better for our plan. When the plane was parked safely on the tarmac of America, Georgia and I exchanged an ecstatic look.

"Forks, here we COME!" Georgia shouted as we high-fived, scaring an old man shuffling along beside us. He brandished his walking stick at us, his face twisted into a frown then muttered something that sounded a bit like 'ruddy young-uns'. We held our laughter in until he was safely out of hearing distance, which wasn't very far, and then we fell to the floor in hysterics.

"So, what now?" asked Georgia. It was always me to make the plans. I froze.

"I...I thought _you_ were making our travel arrangements?!" I stuttered. Georgia's face turned to stone as my words sank in. We were two fourteen, nearly fifteen, year-olds, hundreds of thousands of miles away from home with nothing but two suitcases full of clothes, twenty five _pounds_, an empty Pringles tube and a packet of gum. We were screwed.

When Georgia could finally speak again she said, mortified "so we have nowhere to stay and no way of getting to Forks?" Congratulations. _Such_ a genius.

"Ye...yeah" I mumbled. _Then _Georgia started to freak.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE WE GOING TO _DO?!_" she literally screamed in my face, not taking notice of the close proximity between us. Ow, that hurt. "WE ARE THOUSANDS OF FRIGGIN' MILES AWAY FROM HOME AND HAVE BARELY ANY MONEY. _I WANT TO EAT ITALIANO OFF CARLISLE!_" Any doubts that she could raise her voice any louder were now blown away. Jeez, that girl could _scream._

People were beginning to stare. I clamped my hands on either side of Georgia's face and spoke with firm authority.

"Georgia, listen. We will be fine. We will think of something and everything will be okay. Now, breathe, in and out, in and out. That's it, there we go." She had calmed down somewhat and I steered her to a table and chairs. When she was sat down safely, I returned to our bags and carried them over to the table.

Georgia's eyes continued to dart about in their sockets in fear, though she was more at ease than before. Her lips were quivering with a question that wouldn't come through. She spoke at last, her voice shaky.

"Okay, Hannah. We'll have to think of something soon though, I need a shower, I stink." She took a whiff of herself and grimaced, as if to emphasize her point. At least I could empathize with her there. We smelt, and looked for that matter, like a couple of hobos that had walked in off the street. Nice.

We wandered the airport for a while, marvelling at just how _big_ it was. I was surprised that we didn't get lost it was that big! We walked over to a couple of large notice boards on a wall by some telephone booths, brightly coloured posters plastered onto it.

We read these posters, never really taking in what they said. I was looking at one that was advertising 'Miracle Tan: The Quick and Easy Way to Fake a Holiday' when Georgia shouted so loud in my ear, I was surprised I didn't explode, or something like that.

"OHMYSEXYCARLISLE!" she screamed, "Hannah! _This is it!_" she said, jabbing her finger at one of the smaller, simpler advertisements pinned onto the board in to bottom left-hand corner. It read:

'_La Bella Italia needs you! We are hosting a small concert on the 13__th__ of September and are looking for bands to play some music! For further information, call Mike at 98523-67431._'

"Hannah, I have a plan." Georgia smiled at me in a way that I did not like. Cue the sinister music.

Two hours, one money changing desk, three phone calls and five irritated travellers later, we were safe.

Georgia's plan had consisted of us calling the number, pretending we were a band, getting the Mike dude to pick us up, drop us off at Forks and then, oh, just tying him us and throwing him in the boot of his _own_ car until we were done.

_I _had to step in and rein her imagination in when it got to the 'tying him up' part of things. I simply suggested that we rang, asked for them to pick us up because we wanted to play at their 'concert' and then ditch them. It was easier and without violence. That way, everyone was happy.

Georgia agreed grudgingly and now here we are, waiting for Mike to pick us up. He said he would wait by Starbucks for us and would be wearing a red rucksack. So, onwards to Starbucks it is.

We rounded the corner and saw the large green sign of the cafe we were so desperately looking for. I scanned the light crowd standing around the entrance and, to my dismay, saw _two_ men that were wearing red rucksacks. Damn. Georgia had seen the two men as well, and took no hesitation in approaching one of the guys.

He leaned against the wall, dark, handsome and mysterious; reminding me of the way Robert/Edward looked in my daydream during my _actual_ dream. My heart stuttered at the sight of him. His body stood out from beneath the light clothes he wore, leaving _absolutely nothing_ to the imagination. Aww, hell no. This couldn't be our guy could it? My breathing sped at the thought of it being true.

Georgia, unfazed by his beauty, strolled casually up to him, well, more like marched, and asked promptly, "Are you Mike?"

He frowned at her. I sighed. He even more beautiful when he was frustrated.

"No" he snapped, "What would it matter if I was?" his angel voice rang soft and velvety, reminding me _even more_ of Edward. Insert swoon here.

"Well, were looking for him, that's all" Georgia snapped back. She stuck out her tongue at him, childishly, and stomped off towards the other guy, me in tow. I gazed over my shoulder as she led me away and waggled my fingers, grinning at the Greek god who was now frowning in my direction. He huffed and turned away.

We reached the other man in a matter of seconds, due to Georgia's 'irritated walk'. We called it her irritated walk because whenever she was annoyed, she walked faster, stomping her feet on the ground with unnecessary force as she did so.

"_I'm just a sweet transvestite, from transsexual, Transylvaniurr, ha ha!_" the person we assumed was the Mike we wanted sang as we watched on, dumbstruck. He had his headphones in and iPod on full blast and was dancing in the most peculiar fashion I had ever seen. He swayed his hips, well, tried to, and then thrust them back and forth. It was _probably_ meant to be alluring, but was failing. Obviously.

Georgia tapped him on the arm and his eyes snapped open in horror.

"That stays between us" he warned. His cheeks were red with a blush I thought was only possible in books. Oh, wait. This guy _was_ from a book. How ironic.

"You're Mike, right?" Georgia asked.

"Yeah, and you're...The Singing Psychos, am I right?" he asked, pointing at us both. We nodded our heads in recognition and answer in unison. "Where are your instruments?" He looked confused. Crap.

"Uhh...w...we sing acapella" Georgia stammered, thinking of an excuse. Yeah, _great_ excuse girl. I decided to intervene; Mike was starting to look suspicious.

"Well, Georgia here usually sings acapella," I said smoothly, indicating to my bemused friend, "but for this event, I've organised a CD of backing tracks to be played while we sing." I sighed internally in relief. I had never lied that well before – people usually always see right through me.

Mike clapped his hands once and grinned. "Great! Well I suppose we'd best get going if we're going to make it home in time! I live in Forks and the restaurant is just round the corner from here but I'm guessing you're going to want to clean up" he said, eyeing us up and down. We looked like, to put it into one word...Hell.

"Yes please" I smiled back at him.

We left then, chatting happily about ourselves, but not before one last humiliation. Georgia was walking along and telling Mike about her dog, Jazz when I eyed a stray bottle lid in her path. With the knowledge that Georgia and I were both incapable of walking in a straight line normally, I was positive that something bad was going to happen. And I could've sworn then the bottle cap actually _smirked _at me. _It's the jet lag Hannah, just the jet lag,_ I told myself. I shouted at Georgia to look out, but I spoke too late. She stood on the bottle cap, and it must've been wet, because her foot flew out from beneath her and she landed flat on her bum. On top of the actual bottle. It had appeared out of..._nowhere!_ Coke spewed everywhere, soaking Mike's and my feet but most of all, Georgia's bum.

She stood up, trousers dripping, muttering something about _that damn coke wanting revenge after last time..._ I tuned out and just led her away, out the front doors, through the on looking crowd.

We sped down the roads towards Forks without stopping. All the better, I'd say. The sooner we got there, the better.

I stared out the window as Mike drove. Georgia kept up a quiet chatter with him all the way. I didn't listen. As I looked out the window, I watched the already crowded trees grow thicker, become greener – more dense. It was beautiful here, there was no denying that.

Time had gone by so fast. I suddenly realised that we had slowed down and were driving through a small town; Forks, I assumed. We turned off the main road onto a drive beside a small, cosy house. Mike got out the car first and Georgia and I shared a quick, quite conversation:

"What now?" I hissed.

"We make a run for it." She whispered back.

"Right. Here we go." I stepped out the car, making sure to smooth my face out into a blank expression. We headed to the back of the car. Mike lifted our suitcases from the boot and set them on the ground. Georgia swung her rucksack onto her back and grabbed the handle of her case. Luckily, she had more sense than I [did I actually just say that?] and had packed lightly. She held the handle of my suitcase in her other hand. I lifted it up, holding the other end. We probably looked like the Chuckle Brothers. To me, to you.

"Thanks for the ride mate; we'll be on our way now. So long, sucker!" Georgia shouted at Mike's retreating form. He swung around, mid-step, to look at us. His mouth hung open in shock. Nice Georgia, really smooth. "_Hannah, RUN!_" she screamed at me.

I saluted Mike who was, fortunately, frozen in place.

We ran for as long as we could, what with the heavy bags and all, and then collapsed to the floor, a laughing heap. I never really noticed where I was. Through the tears induced from the violent laughing that had me on the floor right now, I gazed at my surroundings. It seemed to me that we were in the centre of the small town, sat on a street corner.

It was at that moment that I saw a thunderously loud, red Chevrolet truck drive around the corner. I looked at Georgia at the precise moment she looked at me. We grinned at each other. The Georgia's face came over with a look of recognition.

"I _TOLD _YOU THEY WERE REAL" she shouted at me, pointing her finger. There was obvious glee in her eyes. I held my hands up in defeat.

"Okay, Okay! I guess you we're right. That doesn't change the fact that we have no idea where we are or where Jasper is. We don't even know where they _live_ for God's sake. So what do we do now?" I asked her, honest sincerity underlying my tone. Neither of us were expecting what happened next.

"I heard someone say my name. Now what are you two beautiful ladies doing here, getting all dirty on the floor?"

That Texan drawl had the hairs on my arms raise. Hell, it was so sexy. I looked up to see a gorgeous pair of topaz-golden eyes, partially hidden behind a flop of messy blonde hair. Two words. JASPER. FRIGGIN'. HALE. Well, three words.

Georgia and I stared at him, in all his eternal glory. Forget Edward. Sex God present.

"Hannah, are you thinking what I'm thinking?" my friend asked, turning her head, reluctantly, to smile evilly at me.

I returned the smile. "Hell yes."

We turned back to Jasper, grins plastered across both our faces. A worried, confused look suddenly spread across his oh-so-perfect features.

"GET HIM!" we screamed in unison.

And we pounced.

_**I hope you're liking the story so far. As I may have said before [in fact, I have], this story is shared between myself and my good friend XInMyPlaceX [-Georgia] and we take turns writing chapters. You may have noticed that this chapter and the previous are not as funny as the first two. This is because I'm absolutely rubbish at writing funny things. Georgia's the evil mastermind behind how funny this story turns out. She's hilarious.**_

_**The Rocky Horror Picture Show reference came from when I was watching part of it on the internet, specifically the part where Dr. Frank N. Furter is singing the 'Sweet Transvestite' song and started singing it to Georgia. Funny times...ahh...**_

_**Did you like this chapter? Really?**_

_**Just click on the button down there...that's it...the one that says 'review'.**_

_**Go on...I dare you.**_


	5. Apparently, I'm A Retarded Lion

_**Hi guys! Thank you so much for all your reviews and I'm really sorry I haven't updated sooner – I was back at school this week and had a whole mountain of coursework that I hadn't done during the holidays. It's been hectic.**_

_**Anyway, I hope you like this chapter and I'm sorry it's so short but we're saving a lot for the next one! I promise we'll get to the eating-Italiano part soon.**_

**Disclaimer: "I have nothing, nothing, nothing, NOTHING....If I don't have........this story." Geddit?**

Our legs dangled behind us as we were flung over the shoulder of a vampire. A _super sexy_ vampire. Jasper Hale, to be precise. Our squeals of delight were mixed with our shouts of annoyance – _we_ were meant to be capturing _him!_

"If you two ladies don't settle down, I'm afraid I'll have to set my family on you." He warned us. I shot Georgia a quick glance and she looked back. A second of silent communication occurred between us. We knew instantly what we would do.

"Oh no! A family of vampires is about to get us!" My tone was lathered with mock fear. The look on Jasper's face was one of utter surprise.

He hissed back at me, "How in the name of Hell do you know our secret?"

I raised an eyebrow. "You're in a series of four books _and _in a recent film. You'll also be in another two films soon." He was utterly bewildered.

Georgia glared at me. "Hannah!" she whispered, though we knew full well that Jasper would hear us, "I'm sorry Jasper," she said, directed at the sex God carrying us both now, "she's just playing with you. Ignore her – there are no books and I have no idea why she's going on about three films. You know, she's a retarded LION." She shouted at me now.

I couldn't let that statement go unanswered. "Well, you're a retarded...SHEEP!" I shouted even louder. Jasper chuckled, a melodic sound.

We were nearing the forest. All the time while Georgia and I had been bickering, Jasper had, easily, carried us along the path towards a visible trail. I knew we wouldn't be taking that trail though.

He spoke now. "You two girls feel excited. Is there a special occasion?" he asked us.

"Wouldn't you like to know?" I answered, a devilish grin plastered across my face. He smirked.

We entered the trees, leaving the trail behind us as I had expected. Jasper quietly told us to close our eyes. I didn't, and neither did Georgia – we wouldn't miss this for the world!

We sped through the trees at an unbelievable pace, the greenery turning to just a mottled blur as Jasper ran. The trees above created a sort of blanket, disallowing the light to enter this natural haven. It was dark and eerie but we felt calm, obviously Jasper taking advantage of our preoccupied states.

A faint light broke through the shrubbery ahead and I knew we were nearing our destination. It only took a few seconds to reach this opening and before us stood none other than the _amazing_ Cullen residence.

It was even more glorious than I would ever have imagined. More like the house from the book than the film, it stood about three stories high; a wooden porch wrapped around the entire ground floor. It was a great white building, actually, more _mansion_ than house, and it reminded me of a Victorian dolls house.

The front door opened and Georgia and I gasped in unison.

The rest of the Cullens, the other Hale and the single Swan filed out as if they were angels walking through the gates of Heaven. They were as so indescribably, inhumanly (no pun intended) _beautiful._ I groaned. All eight of them and Georgia turned to look at me, confused. Well, everyone was confused, except for Emmett. He started laughing. A booming laugh that shook the ground we stood on.

Edward, God-given Edward cocked his head to one side, his lips twitching. He was trying to resist the urge to smile. My thoughts had deceived me.

"What is it?" Georgia asked.

I groaned again. "They're all just _too_ God-damn_ beautiful! IT'S NOT FAIR!_" I moaned at them all. I heard Jasper chuckle behind me. Alice joined in and so did the others, filling the space around us with musical, magical laughter. I sighed.

When everyone had stopped, Edward walked forward. My knees shook as I took in his face. The book hadn't done him justice. He frowned. Crap. Control your thoughts Hannah, control your thoughts! I started singing my favourite song in my head, blocking Edward from hearing my thoughts, as the others had done in the books. _...I took my baby's breath beneath the chandelier, of stars and atmosphere, and watched her disappear, into the midnight show... _ I sang. He met my eyes and they smouldered. I _nearly_ fainted – it was so hard not to.

"Edward" a smooth voice scolded, "that's not fair. You know what that does to people!" Bella had come up behind him and put a hand on his shoulder, distracting him from his task of trying to distract me.

"Ohh! You got _told!_" Georgia suddenly shouted from beside me, pointing a finger at him mockingly. Emmett laughed again and walked over to Georgia, banging his knuckles to hers in respect. I had to smile. This was going to be so much fun.

We were shown inside and given a room to share after we explained 'what had happened'. We were 'misdirected' at the airport in London and were sent on a plane to Forks instead where we were then thought to be someone else by a dude named Mike. A low growl could be heard throughout as Georgia said his name. Stupid, overprotective vampires. But what happened next, none of us expected.

"OHMYGEORGIAANDHANNAH!" Emmet shouted. He jumped off the sofa from where he was sitting next to Georgia and she nearly jumped ten feet in the air.

"Whoa, Emmett! Fragile humans with beating hearts who aren't immune to your vampire ways _here_!" Georgia half laughed, half said.

"SORRY! BUT...WE SHOULD SO TOTALLY HAVE A SLEEPOVER!" he continued shouting while jumping up and down, clapping, like some little fangirl. We stared at in him in open-mouthed shock.

_**Please review! Reviews make me happy. I am writing the next chapter AS YOU READ THIS, so it shouldn't be too long until I update again. Thanks.**_

_**I hope you're familiar with that little button down there. NO? Well, you two had better start getting to know each other then, hadn't you?! Let's hope you 'click'...**_


	6. Apologies & Preview

_**Hi guys,**_

_**Look I'm really sorry we haven't had something out earlier, but I've been really busy lately and I'm the one writing this chapter! Aarrgh!**_

_**I promise I'll have something out soon, I'm trying to write whenever I have the time, but what with Spanish, French, Art and Textiles coursework to do, in between all my Explorer Scout meetings and Gang Show rehearsals, I'm finding it really hard to get the time! Again, I am really sorry!**_

_**If you have any suggestions as to what could be included, or what you'd like to be included, don't hesitate to let me or Georgia [XInMyPlaceX] know!**_

_**I hope you don't think too low of me by now, 'cause I do have the very start of the next chapter – I'll give all you lucky people a preview...**_

It was half past six and we found ourselves sitting on the floor in Alice's bedroom, well, everyone minus Carlisle and Esme. We had all caved into Emmett's request after he threatened us with telling _all_ about what he and Rosalie _really_ get up to when they're alone. That was something we just didn't need to know.

We were sat in a loose circle, all tangled up in a jumble of blankets, duvets and sleeping bags. Georgia and I sat next to one another, legs crossed, blankets around our shoulders and bags of popcorn in our laps. Rosalie laid on her front next to Emmett, who was sat almost identical to me inside his sleeping bag. Bella sat curled up in Edwards lap and Alice's head was resting on Jasper's knee.

"So what's it like where you live?" Bella asked us, obviously interested, though her vampire family was evidently _not._

"Boring." I answered. "It rains, like, nearly all the time; I suppose it's a bit like here but without the mountains and all the forest and the beaches. The houses aren't as pretty as they are in Forks either; they're all red brick and mortar. I wouldn't say its _ugly_ back home but it's not one of the most beautiful places on earth; unlike this place I suppose." I shrugged my shoulders and smiled.

It was then that I noticed that everyone, save Bella, Edward and I, had disappeared. I looked around and Edward laughed.

"Oh Emmett," he muttered, "When will you ever learn?" He shook his head and stood up, pulling Bella to her feet with him. I got up too and followed them as they walked out the door.

We ascended the two flights of stairs to the living room and passed through a door at the back of the room into the kitchen.

Jasper, Alice and Rosalie were perched nervously on the kitchen side, watching Emmett and my demented best friend who were in the middle of the kitchen. They both wore white lab coats and goggles, well, Emmett wore goggles while Georgia risked blinding herself; they were stood around a huge replica of a volcano. Emmett had in his hands a bottle of vinegar, a bottle of red food colouring and bicarbonate of soda. I groaned internally. I reminded me of when Georgia and I had made a model volcano when we were nine and it had exploded all over her kitchen floor. This could only mean trouble.

_**Again, don't hate me too much *winces***_

_**Please let me know what you think, Hannah.**_


	7. Oh God, It's A Yeti!

_**Hi guys,**_

_**I am so, so, so, so, so, so sorry that I haven't had this chapter up earlier. I had serious writer's block up until a couple of days ago, when all these [crap, may I add] ideas came to me. I'm sorry if it all sounds completely rubbish, and I apologise in advance for any spelling or grammar mistakes - my sixty day free trial on Microsoft Office [including Microsof Word] ended on the thirty-first of January so I'm having to use the pre-installed Notepad to type the chapter up, which, annoyingly enough, doesn't have a spell or grammar check.**_

_**I reall hope you like this chapter, since it's been so hard to write, and there's more on the way soon!**_

It was half past six and we found ourselves sitting on the floor in Alice's bedroom, well, everyone minus Carlisle and Esme. We had all caved into Emmett's request after he threatened us with telling all about what he and Rosalie really get up to when they're alone. That was something we just didn't need to know.

We were sat in a loose circle, all tangled up in a jumble of blankets, duvets and sleeping bags. Georgia and I sat next to one another, legs crossed, blankets around our shoulders and bags of popcorn in our laps. Rosalie laid on her front next to Emmett, who was sat almost identical to me inside his sleeping bag. Bella sat curled up in Edwards lap and Alice's head was resting on Jasper's knee.

"So what's it like where you live?" Bella asked us, obviously interested, though her vampire family was evidently not.

"Boring." I answered. "It rains, like, nearly all the time; I suppose it's a bit like here but without the mountains and all the forest and the beaches. The houses aren't as pretty as they are in Forks either; they're all red brick and mortar. I wouldn't say its ugly back home but it's not one of the most beautiful places on earth; unlike this place I suppose." I shrugged my shoulders and smiled.

It was then that I noticed that everyone, save Bella, Edward and I, had disappeared. I looked around and Edward laughed.

"Oh Emmett," he muttered, "When will you ever learn?" He shook his head and stood up, pulling Bella to her feet with him. I got up too and followed them as they walked out the door.

We ascended the two flights of stairs to the living room and passed through a door at the back of the room into the kitchen.

Jasper, Alice and Rosalie were perched nervously on the kitchen side, watching Emmett and my demented best friend who were in the middle of the kitchen. They both wore white lab coats and goggles, well, Emmett wore goggles while Georgia risked blinding herself; they were stood around a huge replica of a volcano. Emmett had in his hands a bottle of vinegar, a bottle of red food colouring and bicarbonate of soda. I groaned internally. I reminded me of when Georgia and I had made a model volcano when we were nine and it had exploded all over her kitchen floor. This could only mean trouble.

There was a pair of spare goggles sitting on the side next to Rosalie and I snatched them up. I ran over to Georgia who was speaking in a low, quick voice to Emmett who in turn was grinning like a maniac. I snapped the goggles over her head.

"PUT YOUR GOGGLES ON!" I shouted. She batted me away as I fussed over her, making sure she was all safe before she went through with her scientific act.

"Go away Hannah, I'm fine!"

Alice laughed and Edward laughed with her.

"What is it?" i asked.

"You'll see!" Alice squeaked through her laughter.

Emmett and Georgia had strategically positioned themselves on either side of the model that stood, easily, as tall as a horse. Georgia now held the bicarbonate of soda and a spoon in her hands and Emmett was pouring the vinegar and food colouring into the hole at the top of the volcano.

"All clear!" he shouted. I snorted.

"Okay, inserting explosion-powder now." Georgia sounded so strange; like and army general or someone handling radioactive waste, or something like that.

She dug the spoon into the tub and pulled out a heap of white powder. Uh-oh. Edward sniggered, obviously listening to my thoughts.

I didn't pay attention to this fact any longer than necessary, for my already-crazy friend was leaning forward with the spoon hovering precariously over the opening in the model.

She turned the spoon over, dumping the bicarbonate of soda into the vinegar/food colouring mix. I flung my hands up to shield my face, for they had used much more ingredients than necessary. Someone moaned. Emmett.

I removed my hands from my face and watched the 'epic explosion' before me.

A small, foamy, orangey-red solution bubbled up and fizzed over the top. It was more like a dribble than an explosion. I laughed.

"That lava is _pathetic._" I congratulated my friend and Emmett on their handiwork and stood back to see what they would do from here.

Emmett sat down in the middle of the room and started snivelling.

"Bu...bu...but that was my whole project. What am I going to do now?" he stuttered, obviously upset.

"Do it again!" Georgia shouted, "But with _even more!_"

Alice suddenly gasped, Edward mimicking her move only milliseconds later. "No, no, no, _no, _NO!" she warned. "Definitely not. I can see you two filling the whole house with bright red foam if you do it again, and I _cannot_ have you ruining Bella's new Prada...oh crap." She grimaced and Bella turned to glare at her.

"Alice, you _didn't?!_" she moaned.

"But it's blue!"

"That's beside the point! I will not have you buying things for me!"

"But what if I said it wasn't for you? What if said it was for me to put on you? Then, technically, it's mine and I can do what I want with it, which includes putting you in it."

Bella groaned. "Why don't you let Hannah or Georgia wear it? I'm sure they're the same size as me..." she tried to persuade Alice.

Alice pressed her lips together in concentration and gazed at me. The look on her face instantly worried me. It was the face of a super-strong, unstoppable _vampire_ who was on a mission.

She grinned. "Okay!"

I shouted back to the others as Alice hauled me up into her arms and ran me upstairs. She sat me in her slaon chair in front of the bathroom counter, barely visible due to the hordes of products that cluttered it's surface.

"Just sit still and it will be over in no time." She smiled and I closed my eyes.

I sang to myself as Alice worked;

_...Give me a shot to remember,_

_And you can take all the pain away from me,_

_A kiss and I will surrender,_

_The sharpest lives are the deadliest to lead._

_A light to burn all the empires,_

_So bright the sun is ashamed to rise and be,_

_In love with all of these vampires,_

_So you can leave like the sane abandoned me..._

"All done!" she sang. I opened my eyes and Alice squealed. "You look _gorgeous!_" Her shrill voice shot right through me and I flinched away from the sound of it. She steered me to her mirror that covered a whole wall and I gasped. I _was_ beautiful.

"Alice, you're a miracle worker!" I exclaimed. I was in a daze; I still couldn't believe that I was actually looking at myself - the girl in the mirror was exquisite.

She laughed. "I wouldn't say miracle worker, just awesome." She twirled her blusher brush and mascara wand around her fingers and blew on the ends, like a cowboy and their guns. I laughed and she grinned back.

"Thankyou Alice."

"We're not done yet Silly - clothes!" She grabbed my hand and pulled me into her walk-in wardrobe, adjacent to her bathroom. I was flung down onto a chair and was then attacked by piles and piles of clothes. God save me.

About ten mintues and many bruises [for me] later, Alice had chosen a selection of outfits for me to try on.

The first was the blue Prada dress she was talking about downstairs. It was beautiful - wide straps and a 'V' neck with dark beading detail down the sides. It flowed to my knees and Alice had paired it with blue heels that laced up my legs and sapphire earrings.

The next eight outfits consited of similar components in vvarying colours and each one was as utterly astounding as the last.

By the time we had reached the tenth outfit I was exhausted.

"Alice," I moaned, "are we done yet?" I flopped onto the bed.

"Just one more, I promise" she said, and turned around holding the most _amazing_ dress I had ever seen. It was a dark, emerald green that reached the floor. It was made of soft tulle and a band of green silk that twisted at the bust and wound over the shoulders to form straps. It was gorgeous. My eyes nearly popped out my head.

"Alice! That is just..." I couldn't speak; my mouth hung open with lack of suitable words. "Where...where did you get it?!" I asked her.

She smiled. "It's one of mine; an 'Alice Cullen'. You like?"

I laughed. "Of course I freakin like it!" I didn't feel so adverse to wearing her suggestions any more.

I jumped and grabbed the dress off her, careful not to damage it, and pulled it swiftly over my head. I slipped my feet into emerald stilettos and pushed two large, green stud earrings through my earlobes. I twirled to face Alice and the mirror and we both gasped simultaneously.

"It's..._perfect!_" Alice squealed, jumping up and down and clapping her hands. I however, could not speak. I was lost for words.

She stopped sudden and pulled out a camera. I smiled and she snapped about fifty pictures.

When I could speak, I asked her "so, what now?" What was I going to do, all dressed up like this? It was the kind of thing you wore once a year to a ball or something, not just hanging around someone's house.

She sighed. "I guess you'll just have to take it off and put it in your suitcase. You can't wear it here."

I immediately begain unbuttoning the dress from the back but stopped when I realised what she had said. I stared at her, incredulous.

"You want me to keep this?" She nodded in reply. "Alice, I...I can;t just keep this without paying for it or earning it! It's yours! You made it - you have to keep it!" I babbled at her, hoping she would understand but somehow know that she wouldn't.

The next thing I knew, I was in my own clothes and the small vampire that was previously stood before me was nowhere to be seen. I sighed. _Alice._

I glanced at the clock. It read '20:23'. We had only been playing for twenty minutes and I was already bored. I yawned.

"Okay," Emmett boomed, "Georgia; truth or dare?" He grinned.

"Emmett..." Edward warned him. He sat with his hands around Bella's waist. We were in Alice's bedroom, as we were before.

"Alright, alright!" he laughed, then turned to Georgia. "So Jello, what'll it be?"

We all turned to look at him, confusion plain on our faces. "Jello?" I asked.

"It's my new name" Georgia answered, unfazed. "And I'll have a _dare_ Emmett. C'mon, hit me with your hardest."

I dropped my head into my hands and mentally groaned. Oh no Georgia, what have you done now? I worried for her; she had just asked Emmett to give her the worst dare he could possibly give her without having to leave the house.

"Oh Georgia, what have you done?" Edward muttered, speaking my thoughts aloud. I grinned at him and he returned it.

"Okay Jello, you asked for it!" Emmett said, his excitement evident in his voice. "You have to walk around NAKED until one'o'clock tomorrow morning!" He pointed at a smiling Georgia as he said this, then punched the air, as if in victory.

She just smiled sweetly at him. "Okay Emmett, whatever you say!" she said, and stood up. I averted my eyes as my best friend promptly reoved each item of clothing she was wearing, including her underwear. Everyone, minus Edward and myself, began laughing. Georgia sat down again; her clothes in a pile at her feet and a grin stretched wide across her face. I sighed. She was a looney. I'm suprised it was _me_ who got nicknamed 'Nutter' in year four of primary school! She was obviously the more mental of the two of us, considering she was sat butt-naked in front of a bunch of _vampires_ we had only met about six hour earlier. Madness.

After everyone got ove the fact that we had a naked girl sitting cross-legged in the circle, our game continued. It was Jasper's turn to choose someone.

He looked around the circle and raised his eyebrow, smirking, when he reached me. I gulped.

"Hannah, Hannah, Hannah," he sang, "truth or dare?"

I decided I wouldn't be a spoilsport like I usually am at home, so I cose dare.

He chuckled. "Well," he started, crossing his hands and leaning his chin against them "_you,_ my dear friend, have to dye your hair electric blue. Right here, right now."

Rosalie gasped in shock and Jasper grinned.

"What if I didn't? What's the forfeit?" I asked him, cocking my head to the side and smiling at him.

He chuckled. "If you don't dye your hair, you too have to go naked, but until twelve noon tomorrow." That was what made me decide.

"Okay," I said. "Give me the hair dye and I'll do it." I held my hand out. Jasper flashed in front of me, or so it seemed. He removed his hand from behind his back and held out a bright blue bottle of hair dye. I then realised that he had flashed because he had run, vampire speed, into the bathroom to get it. I took the bottle from him and stalked towards the bathroom door. I called across to Alice to ask if she would help me and she obliged, quite happily in fact. We went into the bathroom together. Boy, was I going to look ridiculous.

I returned half and hour later to six pairs of eyes, all watching me expectantly. When they saw my hair the all burst out laughing, rolling on the floor in Georgia's case, ters streaming down her cheeks. I held my hea high and walked to me place in the circle. By this time, everyone had calmed down and were all looking at me for the next dare.

I chose Jasper. Jasper chose Rosalie. Rosalie chose Edward. Edward chose Alice, Alice chose Bella and the evening went on like this. I was so tired by about half past nine, I fell asleep right there on Alice's bedroom floor.

I woke to a prickly, stinging feeling on my right hand. Keeping my eyes closed, I curled my fingers into a fist, hissing when the pain reared and shot up my arm like fire. It was no use; I would never get back to sleep with my hand in this state. I sat up. Someone must have moved me when I was asleep because I was under the covers in Alice's bed. Georgia lay next to me - her right hand was covered in blue, black and yellow ink. How odd.

I pushed myself up further, resting on my hands, and my attention quickly shot back to the matter at hand. More specifically, _my _hand.

I held it up to the little amount of light that escaped in through the drawn curtains and I gasped, quietly so as not to wake Georgia, in pure shock. I suddenly regretted allowing myself to fall asleep first.

My hand was covered in an intricate design of lightning bolts and electricity..._things._ My left palm had been tattooed to make it look like I had powers - that I was able to shoot electricity from my hand. _Georgia, _I thought. _Trust her; she's the one who's always going on about how cool that Elle woman is from 'Heroes'. I can't actually believe she'd go this far though!_

I was confused as to how they had given me this while I was asleep. Surely it must have hurt, no? Suddenly, I had the greatest idea. I rubbed my hands together, wincing at the pain as I did so, and snickered. I was _so_ evil!

I was sait in the Cullen's pristine white kitchen eating my breakfast when I first heard her.

"_OHH YEEAAHH!!_"

I rolled my eyes. Georgia was _so_ childish.

I heard her thumping footfalls proceed down the stairs and then patter, well, _stomp_, rather noisily into the room.

The next thing I knew, the remains of my cereal were down my front and an, unfortunately, not-so-unfamiliar _supposedly_ teenage girl was stood, Superman-esque, atop the island in front of me.

"Fear me mortal, for I could burn you in an instant with my magical fire-shooting powers!" she shouted at me.

I groaned and hung my head in my hands. I had never anticipated _this_ kind of a reaction from her. If I had know that this is what it would make her like, I would never have _dreamt_ of doing it in the first place.

I looked up to see my lunatic of a friend on the opposite counter, palms facing forwards at an invisible enemy. She made a 'cchhrrr' noise as she mimicked shooting flames at them, spitting in every direction as she did so. Nice on Georgia.

She seemed to have drawn quite a crowd. Aside from Alice, who had been sitting in a chair in the adjoining room with the door open, Edward was now observing with a perplexed look on his face, along with Jasper who was chuckling silently and Rosalie, who was standing, arms folded, in a stance that suggested that she was not at all amused.

I could hear Emmett's booming laughter from the other room and then even louder when he came and stood behind the others.

Suddenly, his laughter shut off. I looked at him in curisoity and found a face so full of fear that it was hard to believe that it was actually Emmett. He screamed, making me jump. "Oh God, it's a YETI!" he cried, and proceeded to run from the room, arms flailing and legs doing this weird thing that one could only describe as, kind of, _waving._

I was confused for about half a second and then everything clicked into place.

I remembered that I was sat, hunched over, in the kitchen, a mess of cereal down my front, in my fluffy slipper-boots and 'hairy' dressing gown. I had come downstairs from bed without washing or the like, so I was most likely a bit odd looking at the moment.

I stood up from the stool and plodded over to a mirror on the back of a door; why it was there I have no idea, and looked at myself.

Oh. My. Holy. Jasper. I looked _awful!_ It was quite a scary sight actually, and I could see how Emmett could've mistaken me for a yeti! My normally very curly hair was arranged in a not-so-casual-more-like-c_razy_ disarray around my head. It was like a bird's nest! Forget Amy Winehouse, this is the real deal! Various curls which had become frizzy throughout the night were stuck to my forehear and cheeks. I seriously looked like a yeti. Actually, no, take two - I _was_ a yeti!

All throughout my speculation Georgia continued to war with her imaginary foes and Emmett carried on running around the house screaming, "It's a yeti! It's a yeti! Everyone, grab you bigfoot suits; it's a FREAKIN' _YETI!_"

I turned away from the mirror and laughed. "Umm, Alice, _or_ Rosalie, for that matter, could you show me where the bathroom is - this house is so big I can't remember! If I don't tame my mane soon, Emmett is going to have you running around in big hairy costumes. Not to mention you'll have to look at _this _all day!" I said, pointing to my head and the hair which was still blue.

Rosalie obliged, quite eagerly, and led me up one flight of stairs and along the landing to a bathroom which was about six times the size of my bedroom at home.

"Here's the shampoo and conditioner, and the showergel and sponge are over there." she stated, indicating to each item's place. "You twist the lever this way for cold, this way for hot, and pull it up and out to up the power. Now, I believe I have a loose husband that needs taking care of..." She rolled up her sleeves and glided out of the room, leaving me to shower in peace.

After I had finished, I shut the water off and stepped out of the shower cubicle and onto the bathmat. I found my glasses and jammed them onto my head, enabling me to search for a towel.

I looked frantically round the room, which was rather difficult considering my glasses were all steamed up.

On finding nothing in immediate sight, I headed to the airing cupboard, still naked, and opened the door to get a towel down from in there. It was empty.

"Alice?" I called. No answer. "Rosalie?" Again, no-one replied. "Bella?" I shouted. Yet again, no-one came.

I groaned when I remembered that Bella had been dropped home earlier for she had a family christening to attend.

"Hannah? Are you okay?" I froze when I heard Edward call from the other side of the door.

"Uhh..uh, y-yeah...well actually, no," I stammered. "I can't find a towel anywhere and Alice came in to take my clothes back to her room.W Where is everyone anyway?" I asked, genuinely curious and mildly irritated that no-one, well, no _female_ came to my rescue.

"The others have all gone out hunting but I offered to stay behind with you and Georgia. Plus, I'll be here if Bella needs me." he replied smoothly.

"Oh, okay then, well, I'm just standing here, umm..."

And then it dawned on me - I was standing here _naked _talking to _Edward Cullen_ through a two-inch thick door. OH. EM. EE.

"Yeah, so, Hannah? _That_ is something I don't feel too comfortable about either..." he moaned.

I sudden felt _extremely_ self-conscious. I attempted, an failed, to cover myself up with my hands.

"Can you please just find me a towel I can use?!" I whined. I shivered. I was getting cold just standing there.

Edward sighed. "The only towels in the house," he said, as if explaining ot a small child that people don't live on Mars, "are in that cupboard."

"Well I've looked in there but I can't find anything!"

"You're obviously not looking hard enough then!" he joked.

"You sound like my mother" I said. He chuckled.

"Look, I'm really sorry about this, but you're going to have to let me in so I can find you a towel."

I felt my face flush from embarrassment as I imagined being naked in the same room as Edward.

"I...I can't do that! I mean, what if you _see?!_" I blurted out.

He sighed again. "There's no other way..."

"Fine." I said and unlocked the door. I pulled the handle down and opened it for him.

In an attemptat covering myself up yet again, childishly, I squashed myslef behind the door while Edward enetered and crossed the room to the cupboard.

He leant down behind the boiler and pulled out a fresh towel. _Damn, _I thought, _should've looked there earlier._

As he moved back across the bathroom towards me, he clamped his free hand over his eyes, showing me some respect. Aah, what a gentleman. He smirked and held the towel out for me to take, eyes still firmly shut and covered. I snatched it from him.

"Thanks" I muttered.

"No problem" he replied, smile evident in his voice as he walked out, closing the door behind him.

Half an hour later, I went downstairs to Edward and Georgia. It was quiet. _Too quiet._

They were both sat in the living room on oppsite sofas with the television off. Edwards elbows were propped on his knees with his head in his hands, while Georgia sat upright - straight and alert.

I grimaced. "What's she done now?" I asked Edward.

He turned his head to the side and yanked his fingers through his stress-tangled hair. His golden eyes were crazed.

"Well, she's _trying_ to be inconspicuous, but the fact that she is shouting in her mind; 'Oh my sexy Carlisle, I hope Esme doesn't find the vase I broke while 'dorking' around this morning, that's hidden under the sofa that Edward's sitting on right now!' is kind of hard to ignore!" he answered, at the same time producing said broken vase from beneath said sofa.

I sighed and rolled my eyes. I had lost count of the many times I had done that in the past couple of days over my friends mad behaviour. Oh well, better carry on the trend - Georgia...

Another hour of awkwardness later, Jasper returned. HIs hunting trip has been cut short after their party had crossed the scent of humans off the trail.

The minute he walked in the door, Georgia bounded up from her seat and ran up to him. She whispered something in his ear, glancing at Ewdard and I as if we were the enemy.

Jasper nodded and smiled.

"Edward," he said. "Get out the Volvo."

Georgia grinned. "WE'RE GOING TO WALMART!!"

I suddenly remembered our plan. Oh yes.

This was going to be good...

_**I would just like to say that everything random that happens in this story, actually happens to Georgia and I in real life. For example - the 'power tattoos' were from when we were drawing on each other's hands in an English lesson, and the Yeti part is from when we were in the forest at Explorer Scouts and were extremely hyper.**_

_**I would also like to say that I have never had a tattoo, and so do not know what it feels like after.**_

_**Please review guys - we have loads of ideas fro the ext chapter and I do promise, although we may have gone off-track a bit, we are getting to the actual story line soon!**_


	8. Author's Note & Georgia Love

_**I apologise, this is not a real chapter, just a note from me.**_

_**Do you like this story? Really?**_

_**I know it doesn't really have anything to do with it, but please visit my Bebo- .com/mrshannah_cullen**_

_**Or mine and Georgia's Bebo group, for all you Team JALICE people out there- .com/teamjalice**_

_**And maybe even my blog at - **_

**_If the links don't show up here, they're on my profile page - please check them out!_**

_**This part **__**does**__** have something to do with the story, though not my version...**_

_**Georgia, the Georgia who plays a main role in this story, has her own version/POV of events. Please read hers- .net/s/4752449/1/Duct_tape_rope_and_tomato_sauce**_

_**Please, please, please, show her some love like you've shown me, and REVIEW!! Georgia is sad, she has only four real reviews [well, five, but one was from me] and reviews make her very, very happy!**_

_**She is also writing the two chapters after the next one because I don't do funny too well, so if she doesn't have any reviews she won't feel inspired to write, therefpre ending this story just when it's getting good!**_

_**Please, do it for me and the story guys, we love you all for reading our stories, and we would love you EVEN MORE [if that's possible :D] if we have lots and lots of lovely reviews. :D**_

_**I promise that you will have the next chapter as soon as possible, and I am writing it as we speak [well, after I finish typing this] so don't worry.**_

_**I love you guys, specially you Team JALCIE and Twilighters out there!**_

_**Hannah xx.**_


	9. Supermarket Shenanigans Pt1

_**Well, I know I said I wouldn't be carrying on for a while, but I felt like writing today so I decided to continue for you! :)  
I'm sorry you've been waiting so long :(  
I do hope this is okay, but unfortunately, it's only half a chapter - I haven't written the second half yet, but because I wanted to put it up I decided to stop where I did and post it now!**_

God save me.

I tell you; being stuck in a car with two male vampires and one human _something_ does nothing for one's mental wellbeing.

We sped along the mile-long drive that was the Cullen's at a speed that I didn't even want to know. I gripped the edges of my chair for dear life and an invisible force pushed me hard against the body of the seat.

I looked across with wide eyes at Edward driving and caught him chuckling.

"What are you laughing at?" I snapped, irritated.

He grinned at me, easing the car along the lane though not once looking ahead at the road. "Nothing" he answered. I huffed and he chuckled again.

In contrast to the silence in the front seats, chaos was ensuing in the back. Georgia was screaming and Jasper looked weary as he tried to control her soaring excitement. I swear, I have never seen someone look so tired from just mental causes.

"And next on K-Rock is The Killers with Spaceman!"

I screamed.

"_TURNITUPTURNITUP!!_" I yelled at Edward to boost the volume of the radio and he did as he was told, probably for fear of his life, though it would be impossible for me to kill him.

Georgia groaned, broken from her ecstatic trance for all of a minute. "Really Hannah, do you have to be so selfish? I hate this song!"

I gawked at her. My jaw hung low and my eyes were wide. I couldn't say anything – all that emerged from my mouth was a small gust of air, out of shock. I shook my head.

It was then that I realised what she was doing.

Georgia pulled out the remote for the radio and switched stations.

"The star maker says it ain't so-breathe slow, count from one to ten with my eyes closed..."

Alesha Dixon. Urgh.

I felt my muscles tense and I coiled back, ready to spring, like a panther and its prey. One...two...three...

I pounced on her while she had her eyes closed and grabbed the remote from her swaying hand.

"Oh yes! And she scores!" I shouted and quickly changed back to The Killers.

Georgia looked at me with disgust, as if to say, 'you nasty cow'. Well, cow would be an understatement. I just smiled and went back to my singing.

A short while later, shorter than it would've been if we were driving at 'human' pace, we arrived at Wal-Mart.

"Hallelujah, we _have_ arrived!" shouted Georgia as she stepped out the car. I followed closely behind but succeeded in falling over Jasper's foot. I bet he stood in my way on purpose, damn vampire. Edward chuckled.

We quickly left the car, and while the guys sauntered in that oh-so-cool way of theirs towards the entrance, Georgia and I sprinted in, grabbed a trolley and quickly dashed away, down a secluded aisle. I figured they'd decided to leave us to it as no-one had followed us.

Georgia spoke first. "Okay Hannah, we're here! Now, I'll go and get the rope and duct tape and it's your job to-"

"Hang on a sec there," I interrupted, "don't talk about it so loud! And don't forget to not think about the plan!" My eyes darted to the two ends of the aisle. A small old woman with bright white hair passed, her nose touching the bar of the trolley, she was so short. I thought I caught a glimpse of black and red lace in her trolley, but frankly, didn't want to dwell on the thought. _Eww._

I shuddered and turned back to my impatient best friend. "Okay" she said, "I'll take a wander and find the _shoelaces_ and_ Sellotape_"_. _Her voice was thick with implications. "And you can go and get the _ketchup_." I nodded, said 'bye' and wandered back to the front of the store to get a basket while I let Georgia go off and do what she needed to do.

"Why were you in the pregnancy and maternity aisle?"

I jumped as a honey-smooth voice said over my shoulder, closer than I would've expected. "We just needed a chat about something and that just so happened to be the first one we went down. Not on purpose, mind!" I answered, reasonably coolly.

All Edward said was a small 'hmm' and smirked in that awfully irritating yet annoyingly attractive way of his.

I grabbed a basket from a holder by the entrance and walked towards the food section. Feeling slight movements behind me, I detoured and walked toward the aisle with 'female toiletries' hanging on a sign above it. The movements suddenly disappeared and I laughed silently to myself.

Making sure to take my time, I strolled along the row of the grocery store version of the discount superstore, and looked this way and that at the shelves stacked high. I pretended to take in the information and made sure I looked disappointed as I exited the end and turned to walk towards my initial destination.

I saw Georgia before I got to the aisle labelled 'sauces and relishes', but oh how I wish I hadn't.

She still had her trolley and I spotted her wheel across from the DIY section to the clothing section whirling a rope around her head lasso-style. Oh god.

I stood stock still and tried to tell myself I was just hungry and was imagining things but, to my displeasure, a few minutes later, she was headed straight for me. Obviously, while in the clothing department she had found the costume section – she had on her head a brown cowboy hat and was wearing a cow-print waistcoat and cow-print chaps over her jeans.

"Edward, Jasper" I spoke softly, making sure I called loudly to Edward in my mind and send out extreme waves of distress for Jasper to pick up.

They were by my side immediately, and lucky for me they were – pulled me out the way before 'Sheriff Georgia' could bowl me over with her trolley.

I sat on the floor (where I had fallen after Jasper yanked me out of the rogue Englishwoman's path, before he and Edward sprinted as slowly as they could after Georgia) and prayed to Charles Darwin that nothing worse would happen. As if he knew I didn't believe in him, God granted the exact opposite.

I heard an almighty shriek of joy, assumedly from my crazy friend, and a second later, at full blast, heard the original version of The Time Warp come across the store's speakers. Managing to pull myself off the floor, I began to jog (soon becoming a run) to the tills and arrived face to face with mayhem.

_**Well, there you go! I know it's short, and I'm sorry again, but the next bit may be up soon (I wouldn't hold you breath though!).  
While you're reading this, I just thought I'd inform you - I no longer have a Bebo account that I have so often promoted, nor do I run the Team JALICE group on Bebo, nor do I have a blog. I've really cut down on my social networking rubbish lately :)  
However, I do now have a DeviantArt profile - **_http://hannahlou14[dot]deviantart[dot]com _**so check that out and leave a comment on any of my photos if you want/can!**_

_**Now, about the semi-chappy, review please!!!  
And if you aven't already, take a look at my other stories (especially Graceful Ending) and read and review please - that would be amazing! :)**_

_**Thankyou for reading my story, it really means a lot!! :D  
**_


	10. Author's Note and dA Friends

Just a quick note:

I'm so sorry I haven't updated in such a long time, I really am awful at this stuff!  
You may have given up faith in me, but I hope you haven't given up faith in the story, because I am writing a new chapter as we speak!

I've also updated my profile with my deviantART account link, so if you're on dA, drop by and add me as a friend and I'll post you a comment!

Anyway, hopefully the next chapter should be up this evening or tomorrow evening, because I'm trying to lengthen my chapters for you so you have more to read.

Thanks for being such awesome readers! Reccommend to a friend! 


	11. Supermarket Shenanigans Pt2

**Ok, so maybe I lied a little when I said this chapter would be longer than previous chapters, but I couldn't leave you hanging like that and I did promise that I'd update it today at least!  
So here you go, part 2 of our wonderful supermarket trip for your literary pleasure (I hope).  
**

**I would also like to say that this chapter is dedicated to the lovely Kaitlin13 who, probably unknown to them, made my day yesterday and put a huge smile on my face from thir review! Thankyou!  
**

"_I heard an almighty shriek of joy, assumedly from my crazy friend, and a second later, at full blast, heard the original version of The Time Warp come across the store's speakers. Managing to pull myself off the floor, I began to jog (soon becoming a run) to the tills and arrived face to face with mayhem."_

Edward and Jasper were obviously thinking the same thing as me as we stood and stared at what was unfolding before us.

'_It's astounding, time is…fleeting,_'

There, stood upon the checkout counter of aisle seven was Georgia, still wearing her cowboy get-up.

'_Madness takes its toll._'

While we looked on in horror, she began to mouth the words to the song in complete sync. I don't know who had introduced her to The Rocky Horror Picture Show, but whoever it was, I'm going to seriously torture them when I get home.

'_But listen closely, not for very much longer, I've got to keep control…'_

Now, I myself am a Rocky Horror fan and funnily enough The Time Warp happens to be my favourite song from the show. Because of this, I know the song inside out, and I dreaded what was going to happen next. Edward, obviously having heard my thoughts, turned around to face me with a look of pure terror on his face. I'm sure that in all his time of being a vampire he has never experienced this level of crazy, brought in the form of Georgia.

'_I remember doing the Time Warp, drinking those moments when,'_

I had to hold back a scream as Georgia's seemingly calm façade from the start of the song broke down and she started ferociously gyrating her hips and doing the can-can in time with the music that had picked up in tempo.

'_the blackness would hit me and the void would be calling, Let's do the Time Warp again!'_

I think Jasper had frozen from the intensity of the crazy-waves rolling off Georgia in buckets. I signalled to Edward, who was still facing me, that I thought we should get Jasper away from the direct exposure of her emotions and we hurriedly took him around the corner – Edward pulling him, me shuffling along behind them.

'_It's just a jump to the left…'  
_  
Edward turned his blazing green eyes on me with a determined look on his face.  
'We have to stop her, we can't have this going on any longer' he growled at me and I immediately agreed.

'_And then a step to the right…'_

Edward told Jasper in a hurried voice (being hurried, it was much too fast for me to comprehend) to find the main sound controls room and to stop the song while he and I would ambush Georgia and get her to the car. Jasper nodded and headed off, still in a daze, to find the damn CD player and Edward and I headed back round the corner he had previously dragged his friend.  
We had mentally prepared ourselves for what we would encounter, but were still shocked at the fact that the entire team of the store's employees had joined in and were situated on the rest of the free tills, as had all the customers who were spinning around in their trolleys and waving their arms in the air. Georgia, now positioned on top of a crate of erasable highlighters, was gyrating her hips even more viciously than before. I believe, from previous experience, she calls this her mating dance.

Before we could let the madness go any further, Edward moved round to the back of the counter Georgia was dancing on, ready to grab her as soon as the music stopped. The grimace he had on his face as she laid down on her back and started thrusting her hips in the air (much like the women in the Call On Me music video) was quite possibly one of the funniest things I have ever seen and I burst out laughing, clutching my stomach in an attempt to hold myself together. He was obviously dreading having to touch her.

In the time you could say 'Georgia Haines is attempting to attract sexy men' the music had stopped, Edward had grabbed Georgia around the waist and Jasper and I followed them as a bronze-haired god carried my best friend out of the doors of the supermarket like a log. He dumped her in the back of the car and Jasper got in next to her, taking over from Edward as wrist-restraints since she was still in Time Warp mode. After getting in the passenger seat of the car next to Edward who was holding his face in his hands and silently quivering, I looked behind me. Jasper had his neck craned as far away from Georgia as he could and had squeezed his eyes closed. Georgia was still doing the Time Warp, her legs and elbows desperately trying to make the moves and consequentially finding purchase with the back of Edward's chair. Fortunately, I knew how to turn this monstrosity of a Georgia mode off and reached around to tickle the underside of her little finger and pinch the flappy skin on her elbow simultaneously. She immediately calmed down and it was as though I had injected her with a sedative – she fell straight asleep, slumping in her seat to come to rest against Jasper's chest. I turned round again after watching him move his arm to accommodate her.

Edward started the car and began to drive away from the place in which he probably just had the worst time of his life.  
Georgia and I had failed in our mission to get the supplies we needed to carry out our plan, but I didn't mind one bit as I stared at the man sat next to me. If it meant we could have more time with these vampires, especially the particularly amazingly hot one sat right next to me; do you really think I care? Of course not!

A little while later (longer than it took us to get to the supermarket, but shorter than it would take a fast-driving human, assumedly because Edward was still in shock from whatever the hell had just happened) we arrived back at the Cullen home and were greeted by Esme smiling the most beautiful smile I had ever seen and her pulling us both into sweet-scented hugs.  
'How was your trip, dears?' she enquired, and I froze at the same time as I heard Edward making a choked gagging noise behind me. That confirmed my suspicions from earlier.  
'It was…bemusing' I replied, in all honesty, and walked off to the garden – I needed some fresh air because just thinking about Georgia's hip movements put me off from ever eating again.

Jasper and my snoring best friend were still in the car when Edward and I had left, but just then I heard a loud scream and a crash of glass come from the kitchen behind me. With a sigh, I stood up and went to survey the damage this time, with no doubt in my mind that it had something to do with Georgia, but nothing could've prepared me for what I saw then.

**Ok, so like I said, it wasn't that long, but I hope you liked it all the same.  
And again, I know I've said it so many times before, but I really will try to update sooner.  
**

**Review this chapter and I may very well dedicate the next chapter to you or feature and idea of yours in the story.**

**What do you think I just walked in on? Funniest idea gets used! :)  
**


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